It was only 86 degrees and overcast here in dry-as-toast-land. Time to get out the door before the sun pokes through the clouds. My dog pranced around exuding cuteness and enthusiasm when he saw my hiking boots. He was definitely in.
My first day back. Kyle had just come out of a 16 day cycle plus an extra day at home to rebalance. I took a deep breath and exhaled. We made it through another one. Sometimes thriving, sometimes surviving. Sometimes graceful, sometimes gritty. The full gamut of experience on the canvas of life.
On the trail…
I was trekking along when a strong sense of knowing came to me.
I was home.
Home in that I experienced my well being again.
Home in that I could smell, taste and feel peace of mind.
My outside circumstances were still not “perfect”, AND I felt perfectly okay.
I had a sense of who I am….. a diamond on the inside, resilient and creative. And although the winds of life have recently blown me around quite a bit, I knew that my feet were still on the ground. The shiny diamond within me, my well being, while caked with road dust, was still whole. And now felt visible.
I had a sense that no matter what, I am okay. And will be okay.
This insight washed over and through me.
Had I landed on the secret?
Do I need the endorphins of exercise or the connection to nature to return home? It can appear this way. As if there is a secret.
So taken with the fact that my sense of my equilibrium had returned, I wanted to believe I had landed upon a definitive trick or tool to which I could turn. Next time. When I am lost again.
That the road leading home is found by “doing stuff” is an alluring illusion. It’s easy to get fooled.
I’ve hiked with repetitive, negative, worried thinking, adding more dirt to my diamond. Home, obscured by thought storms swirling in darkened emotional skies.
Endorphins, while yummy, may be a side effect, but not necessarily a cause. X is not a formula for Y. Thought clouds pass through on their own on and off the trail.
There is no magic yellow brick road.
I am always one thought away from knowing