I was recently struggling in a situation with Kyle. Just in case you are new to this blog, Kyle is my 35 year old son with autism. The situation was similar to the one I wrote about in Resistance, a chapter in my newest book, Space of Love. Lo and behold, I found myself back in a very similar scenario, only this time, it had a slightly different, more urgent feeling twist to it.
Without going into details, let’s just say I kept doing and thinking the same things and they weren’t working. I was getting the same “undesirable” result. This is a pretty common human tendency. The more I did and thought those things, the more stress and strain I was experiencing. The energy of that stress and strain seemed to permeate the interaction between Kyle and I. I’m pretty sure he was feeling my low state of mind. Together, we were a not so pretty picture.
After a long while, needing a break, I left the room and found myself taking a few deep breaths. “I really could use a fresh new idea here” popped into my mind. What I know for sure is that the last way to get a new idea or insight is to try real hard. I’m grateful for the presence of mind in that moment which allowed me to remember this.
I sent that wish off into the universe and went back to Kyle. After those few seconds, I was actually somewhat refreshed.
It wasn’t long before I knew what to try. A fresh idea popped into my awareness. It was something I had never before tried in this situation. I’m not going to say it was easy, but low and behold, it worked! We were both a little surprised and from there, able to get on with the morning routine with ease.
Now there was no guarantee things would work out as they did. However, what I see time and again, is the power of wisdom to which we are all connected. I never cease to be just a little (or sometimes a lot) amazed by it. The in the moment responsiveness of a greater intelligence of sorts that runs through us is pretty incredible. (Hint, same intelligence that grows trees and babies.)
So often we muscle so hard through life, working and straining to figure things out or come up with solutions and next steps. Yet, we always have access to an energy that provides fresh insights leading to solutions and brand new ideas. That’s right, always! It’s just that we are not always able to hear them, allow them to come to us, or wait for them to arrive on their schedule, not ours.
Often, these insights come from sitting in that space of not knowing. The place where you throw up your hands or maybe even give up. This place may feel uncomfortable. We may be resistant, not liking that we are here. From this place, we declare ourselves to be stuck.
Here’s a different, and I believe, more accurate way of understanding the concept of being stuck.
There is an ebb and flow to life. We may be in the ebb side of this equation. We may decide we are stuck when we are thinking we should be in a different place, perhaps the flow side of life. Or maybe we think we should have a different mindset. Perhaps we are moving slower or differently than our “should" thinking is telling us.
Personally, I felt very stuck in the above scenario. And on top of that, I was worried about being stuck and couldn’t imagine even getting a new idea because I just knew I had exhausted every single idea I thought possible.
Looking back, I can see that I had come upon what appeared to be a big boulder in the river of life. But since it is impossible for life to stand still, there is always a place where the water or flow sneaks around the boulder.
And that’s the place where wisdom is likely to slip in. I just love when that happens.