When?

When is it and how is it that we learned to judge our feelings, our states of being?

When did we divide feelings between ok and not ok?

I stood by while C threw herself on the carpeted floor of the playroom. She was all tears, kicking, crying, red faced and snotty, fully in her unhappiness. The mood that had been coming and going all morning reached a dramatic crescendo.

I observed, letting it run its course. She was in it. Until she wasn’t. In her almost 2 year old purity, I’m quite certain she wasn’t believing she should be any other way. Her thinking had not been contaminated yet to judge her fluctuating states of being. She was safe. This temper tantrum was not going to hurt her.

She feels everything with great intensity and expresses herself accordingly. There is something so pure and innocent about this because C is pure and innocent. Her temper tantrum, pure and innocent.

As quickly as she began, she came up for air and suddenly stopped. Splotchy faced and still pouting, the drama of the moment faded into the next moment again and again until the energy became calm.

I put my hands over my eyes for a silent game of peek a boo. I looked to the side and above and below my hands. Unexpected. A soft smile and look of engagement slowly bloomed.

Then I heard  her small, sweet voice. “Again.” And the game continued. No words. Variations on a peek a boo theme and little by little, her mood lightened. Smiles became more frequent. We enjoyed these new moments together. The peace after the storm. The sweet nectar of love and connection.

When did we stop allowing ourselves to feel and experience our feelings? When and how did we learn to hang on to things and not allow ourselves to be fully immersed in the next game of peek a boo?

When did feeling upset or uncomfortable become the enemy and that which needs to be avoided or fixed?

“When” may be irrelevant. As irrelevant as “why.” Perhaps, by spending time with a small child, it is easier to glimpse the transient nature of thought and therefore,  the transient nature of feelings. We may then notice something powerful for ourselves.

We are not 2 (unless you are 2 and reading this blog) so it is best we remember that we don’t need to act on our feelings. We also don’t need to correct or avoid having them. Truth be told, we can’t do that anyway.

We can feel what we feel until we don’t. Nothing to fix or analyze or correct or judge. We can be who we are until we are in the next moment being who we are again.

The new energy of the next moment with a brand new experience awaits. When? Now.