Sometimes it wakes me up in the middle of the night. Like last night. A silly decision to be made. Unimportant in the big picture of life. Stuff related. But something I thought needed a carefully weighed out decision.
I was awakened by wisdom.
Since it’s hard to put intuition or a feeling into words, here’s what I believe it might look like in conversation form.
“Psst. Are you awake?”
“Well I wasn’t, but now I sort of am. What is it?”
“I have the answer to that decision you want to make. You know, the one about which cell phone to buy.”
“What? You’re waking me for this.” Groan. “Really? Can’t it wait until morning?”
“Not really, your mind is open and receptive now. In the morning it will be flooded with thoughts and they might get in the way. You might not hear me then. You may even forget I’m always here for you.”
“Ok, hello wisdom.”
Wisdom needed to get my attention. There was no string of complex thoughts but just a knowing that I could feel. For a moment, I knew. But then my thoughts swam in to muddy the water. A debate between wisdom and thought, knowing and chatter, ensued. Pretty soon I couldn’t tell who was who and what was what. And, I was wide awake. Groan.
I was not rested when I awoke in the morning. I had a lot of thinking going on and my thinking convinced me I didn’t really know what I wanted to do. So I decided not to decide. I invoked my favorite mantra of late…. “I’ll know when I know,” and went about my day.
I have been fascinated with inner wisdom these days and how and when it shows up in my life. “I’ll know when I know” has helped me adopt an attitude of less effort and striving and more trusting myself to hear the answers, the wisdom, when it arrives.
Seeing and understanding something vs analyzing or figuring out. It’s not something I can force. Or schedule. Or put on a list. It’s a practice and a definite work in progress. It’s more a way of being and living than a destination.
It is a song playing softly in the background. A light shining dimly or sometimes brightly. It is a feeling in my gut. Sometimes in my heart. It is what I know without reasons to back it up. It just is. It is a close friend. It is a powerful guidance system that may not seem to follow logic or reason.
It is what I know when I know.